KotOR: Grey - Chapter 5

A fading shadow flitted through the hallways of the citadel station, hovering over the wounded planet, Telos. A multitude of souls filled the air around it, but all found a reason to look elsewhere, to see nothing, as it passed.

There were some perks to being the former Dark Lord of the Sith.

Aniki's sharp grin didn't hold any mirth. This was all too familiar. Why do we all stay in the ruts we've dug for ourselves?

She had not wept the last time. She was too sure. To stay meant the destruction of everything. She had been doing the right thing.

She didn't weep now, either. Tears could not push past the dead weight lodged in her chest. She knew, beyond any question, that there would be no forgiveness this time. A man could only be pushed so far. A heart could only be broken into so many pieces. And she had already been offered more forgiveness that she had ever deserved.

This path – this rut – laid down before her and tamped down by her own footsteps, this was her last farewell to Telos. To Carth.

And, it seemed, there was room for a tear after all.

She was sweating by the time she finally sat down in the pilot's chair. She had spent the last year recovering from devastating injuries – of mind and body. Things that had once been simple now pushed her to the point of exhaustion. She gritted her teeth and willed herself to focus as she escaped the pull of Citadel Station's gravity.

The Hawk shuddered when the hyperdrive kicked in. The old girl's not so new anymore. She's been through some hard rides.

Aniki absently patted the ship's main console as the blue swirl of hyperspace danced through the viewport. I know how she feels.

She grimaced down at her own slender frame, devoid of the lean, solid muscle that had made her such an imposing figure … then. She knew the planes and angles of her face were sharper than they had ever been when she had carried the name Revan, hollows carved in the flesh of her cheeks from fear, pain and sorrow.

Carth would be awake by now, but perhaps still unaware of how far she had gone. There had been no note this time. There were no pleas, no promises to extract. How many times can I walk away from one life?

Aniki glanced around the tiny cockpit. As many years as she'd spent in this ship by herself, this space never felt right without him.

She leaned back in the hard captain's chair.

He belonged here.

She closed her eyes and remembered the one – and only – time she'd thought to try and pilot the Hawk with Carth onboard. They'd been fleeing a distinctly hostile Korriban. Ordo had been forced to lay their pilot out with an exceptional right hook when said pilot seemed determined to stay on the planet to search for his son.

If the mercenary had enjoyed the encounter a little too much, no one commented on it.

With the help of T3, Aniki had managed to get the little ship in the air, but when the Sith flyers had appeared on the radar, she'd started making peace with their imminent demise.

Liar. The thought of dying there had you so furious you couldn't see straight.

Bruised jaw notwithstanding, Carth had all but thrown her bodily from the chair. "Make yourself useful and man the guns!"

He'd yelled at her later, for the attempt. She'd yelled right back … for a lot of reasons. But mostly just 'cause it felt so damned good.

Aniki rolled her neck as she watched the stars flash by, the blue-green light flashing on the fiery tips of her cropped hair. Before, when she'd been gone, she'd often pondered cutting off the heavy auburn braid, but would remember what his fingers felt like wrapped around her hair, and left it alone.

This time … this time, she had left the braid coiled neatly on her pillow.

She bit her lip and ran her fingers through the short, dishevelled strands she was left with, pulling hard enough to bring tears to her eyes.

"Looking for this?"

Aniki whirled in the captain's chair, her throat clamped down on fear. There, dressed in the familiar, hated beloved! orange jacket, stood the Republic's top soldier. Dangling from his right hand, which was clenched so tightly it shook, was a long rope of mahogany hair.

Yeah. He looks pissed.

"Carth! What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I ruin your dramatic exit?" His voice was low and dangerous, his brown eyes were hard, locked onto her pale face.

Well, how d'ya like that?

"Turn the Hawk around."

"Who the ever-lovin' hell do you think you are? This is my ship …"

"I'll tell you who I am. I'm Admiral fracking Onasi, and it'll will take me less than a heartbeat to have half of the Republic fleet on your ass to escort this ship back to Telos."

"How did you…"

"Do you think I'm an idiot? Do you think I don't remember?" His body was rigid, spine straight in his soldier's stance and his jaw locked. But his eyes. His eyes. The pain in them cut her to the bone.

"Stop this ship, Aniki." Barely a whisper.

"No," she growled.

A muscle in his cheek twitched. "T3!"

The little droid hummed into the cockpit. "Unlock the console and stop the Hawk … somewhere safe, please."

"Override that, T3," Aniki snapped, and then gasped as it ignored her order. "T3! Dammit, you little bucket of bolts! Stop that!"

But it was too late, and the Hawk's engines powered down, the vibrant light of hyperspace swirling into the black nothing of space. Her jaw hung open as the traitorous droid whirred back out into the ship's corridors.

"What? … how?"

"I may not be good with droids, but these days I can hire the best."

"Mission!" she muttered, comprehending. She turned her mutinous green eyes back to Carth. "So, what are we going to do now?"

"I told you. We're going to head back to Telos, where you're going to go home and rest. And whatever it is that's got you so worked up, we'll send someone to deal with it … Dustil maybe, or that nice Mical fellow…"

"I beg your pardon?" Her voice dropped icicles on the Hawk's metal floor.

"Oh, we'll figure something out." Carth waved a negligent hand, seemingly oblivious of the gathering storm before him. "But it's out of your hands now, really. Just tell me what you wanted done, and we'll have it taken care of…"

Much of the galaxy's population had the idea that the Dark Lord Revan had been somewhat short. It wasn't true. It was just that, in the holos, she was always standing next to Malak, who was built a bit like a rancor. While that distortion had been helpful to Aniki as she tried to rebuild her life in the last year – no-one connected her tall frame with that diminutive-looking image – she used her full height now to stare her husband in the eye.

"Look, you filth-ridden Hutt's ass…" One hand clenched and unclenched at her side, while the other poked Carth directly in the centre of his chest. "You may be 'Admiral fracking Onasi' but I don't know who you think you're dealing with. This is still my ship! If you think for one second that you can even set foot on her without my leave, let alone take the helm, you've got another think coming."

His face was remote as he arched a brow at her. "Really? What exactly are you going to do about it?"

"Statement: If droids dreamed, Master, this day could quite possibly be the culmination of all my hopes and desires."

Carth stiffened as the cold prod of a disrupter rifle materialized between his shoulder blades. He turned his gaze to Aniki, frigid and proud, as she opened her hand to display the tiny comm. unit hidden there. "My ship, Onasi. My life."

"Your life, huh? Yours to throw away? It's been a year and you're still barely able to get through a whole day without collapsing from exhaustion!"

Just because it was the truth didn't mean she was eager to accept it. She drew her shoulders up as she erased any trace of weariness from her stance. "HK, is the cargo hold clear enough to use as a brig?"

"Smug statement: Of course, Master. I…"

Whatever the droid had been about to say was lost in a flash of white-blue sparks. Aniki was fast enough to cover her eyes, but by the time she opened them again, her husband had gone. She reached out with the Force, but it was too late. His body was pressed to her back, one hard arm wrapped around her throat, the other relieving her of her 'sabre.

She pulled at the energy around them to trap him in stasis, but it fizzled and died at her fingertips as a cold sweat beaded on the back of her neck. One glance at HK-47 made it obvious that it was going to take at least a day of work to repair the damage done by the ion grenade. "Son of a bitch!"

"This how you were going to face the big bad evil out there, Aniki? You can't even take on one Republic soldier."

Caught between despair and fury, she kicked back at him, but he dodged it easily. When she realized that his arms were holding her up more than they were holding her back, she slumped in defeat.

"You ready to go home now, Beautiful?"

"No! I'm sorry, Carth, but no. I didn't leave on a whim. I didn't leave out of some mad desire to end my own existence. These … dreams of Bish, they're something more. I don't know what, but I have to find out. This isn't duty, it's … friendship."

She turned in his arms, leaning on him more than she wanted to admit to herself. "I need to know what happened to her. Even if it's only to lay a flower for her."

Pushing herself away from his steadying hands, she pulled herself up to her full height. "I'm going to do this. I have to."

"Why didn't you say all this back on Telos, Aniki?"

"Because you would have stopped me. Because you could have stopped me." Her green eyes met his, frank and unafraid. "Because you're right, but I have to do it anyway. I can't live the rest of my life hiding away, afraid of shadows. It … it's been wonderful being sheltered and protected, but I can't exist like that!"

"There she is…"

She stared, confused, as his mouth lift in a slow, joyous grin. Then, when he wrapped his arms around her, she wondered if, perhaps, he'd lost his mind.

"I…what? What are you talking about?"

He released his hold on her only long enough to press his lips to her forehead and smile into her eyes again. "Ah, Aniki. My wife. I've missed you."

Now she knew he'd lost his mind. "What the hell are you talking about, Onasi?"

He sat carelessly in the pilot's chair, like it was home, dragged her down onto his lap and murmured into the back of her neck. "We've all been watching you spiral downward for the last year, Aniki, afraid to lose you. Afraid you'd walk away or, even if you walked beside us, you'd be lost anyway."

He took a deep, shaking breath and she was astounded to realize that the fear in his voice was very real.

"I fell in love with you," he continued, "knowing that you were Revan, Aniki. Knowing everything, remember? I fell in love with you knowing that you were strong enough to … to do anything. But it's like I've been watching you die slowly since you've come home, and I didn't know how to save you."

His hands skimmed her body gently, as if he was afraid to break her. She shook her head wordlessly, barely comprehending what he was saying.

"It became clear that you were going to leave again and … and I needed to know why. To leave us behind so you could die alone?"

"Carth … I …"

"Eight years, Aniki. Eight fracking years. There's one thing that became very clear to me in that time and it's that I was a fool to let you go alone. The Republic has countless soldiers. It only has one of you. I only have one of you."

She turned in his lap to look him in the eye, her lips twitching upwards. She smoothed his hair back from his forehead. "You been workin' on that speech, flyboy?"

He let out a sharp bark of laughter and pulled her to him again. "You know it, Beautiful."

She leaned her head on his shoulder and was content for a moment to listen to his heart beat as they drifted silently through space. Then she lifted her head to stare at him.

"An ion grenade. You planned this whole thing! You knew!"

"I didn't know. I guessed. I prepared. I'm good at that y'know," he intoned seriously. "Some people have even called me paranoid."

She snorted and swatted him in the chest. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because if I had, my highly intelligent and brilliant tactician of a wife would have been a hundred times sneakier when she left."

"Damn right…Brilliant, huh?"

"Yeah, she's a real handful…"

"Intelligent?"

"Very…"

"Pretty?"

"Beautiful …"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The trip was short, all things considered

It had felt like an eternity limping home, only a year ago. Ashas Ree was uninhabited now, and Aniki knew – could not forget – the black menace that waited for them there. It was what pulled her forward, the knowledge that she had left Bish there without so much as a memorial, a single word spoken in prayer.

During her waking hours, she pushed her body, prodding muscles to recall the ancient lightsabre forms. She sweated and demanded perfection from her own trembling limbs. Carth watched her closely, but didn't interfere – even if he frowned at the way she limped after a hard workout, or the stiff manner in which she rolled out of bed every morning.

When she slept, she dreamed. The murky swirl of hatred bound her friend, blocked her from peace. When she woke, thrashing, she was selfish enough to rejoice in the arms that wrapped around her in the dark.

Soon, though, the leanness of her frame was due to corded muscle instead of frailty. And when the Hawk landed on the surface of Ashas Ree, Carth's dark eyes shone as he watched his wife stride down the gangplank with all of the power and authority – and some of the strength –  renewed in each step. He smothered his grin lest she sense his approval … he'd never hear the end of it.

She paused before stepping down onto the grass moss that was already beginning to reclaim the broken stone blocks and durasteel frame of the Sith temple. A warm breeze ruffled through her hair, making the cropped ends dance like fire. Carth took two paces – never more than two – and so was at her side when she foot hit the planet's surface and she staggered.

"What is it, Aniki?" His voice was pitched low, and his hands cradled her elbows, supporting.

She shook him off and took two, three more steps before falling to her knees with a strange moan. Her fingers ruffled through the long grass as if searching for something lost in the dancing green blades. "This … it doesn't…"

"Aniki!" Carth's voice sharpened with worry, but remained softer than the cacophony of chirping and squawking life around them. "What's the matter, do we need to get out of here, Beautiful?"

When she didn't respond, but only placed her palms against the dark, rich soil, he called to her again. Louder now. "Aniki!"

Finally, hearing the panic – the love – that wrapped around her name, she turned her head up to stare at him with wide, unfocused eyes. "It … it's gone, Carth. It's all gone."

"What's gone, Aniki?" He paused, running both hands through his unruly hair, choosing his words carefully. "You… you didn't think that Bish would …"

"No." Her harsh whisper cut through his words. "No. She was…destroyed. I felt her being torn apart, Carth. It … it hurt …"

She saw the concern that flashed across his face, saw that he was holding back, waiting for her to … to be ready. Loving him so much, she forced herself to continue.

"I … I don't know how long I stayed here, afterwards, but the air seemed to pull at my skin. It was filthy, Carth. The taint on this planet was so thick, I could feel it calling to me for days after I left."

She turned and sat on the moist ground. Grass stalks, a shade lighter than her eyes and heavy with seed, brushed against her cheek as they swayed in the gentle wind.

"Ashas Ree is clean. It's completely clean."